Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Taking a Break & Rant.

Taking a break from blogging

I have been having a really bad few months blogging wise. I have barely posted and just had no motivation to. I feel so down on a number of aspects of blogging recently as well as myself and the combination has just meant a blogging standstill.

I have been feeling somewhat lost. I feel like I have never really found my 'niche' blogging wise and whilst this isn't a bad thing for everyone, I feel like I am just missing something. I see so many amazing blogs around me, that show so much personality and individuality but I just don't feel like I am expressing mine. I just can't seem to put my finger on it. I want to be making the best content I can and enjoy it too. Recently it has felt like such a chore. I know what I want to be doing most of the time, I just dont know how to do it. It never looks or feels right. I think I need some distance.

I am also finding the blogging community increasingly stressful. I feel like there is a lot of bad energy (a term I have literally never used) in so many ways. There is so much supposed love and support but a lot of it feels disingenuous. People are so quick to judge and I feel like there is a lot of pressure to keep up. Even though so 'talk the talk' about wanting everyone to just be themselves and love each other not many 'walk the walk'. It all feels so cliquey and whilst there are many trying to do good, I am finding it hard to distinguish and I don't even think many are doing it consciously. It isn't all 'bad intent' or even all that obvious but the sheer volume of it is getting too me.

Whilst it isn't all bad intent or on a high level, there is still so much fighting, people taking digs at each other and straight up openly mocking of others, it doesn't feel like a safe place. The judgement is very real.

On top of this I have been a bit overwhelmed recently. I returned to university after a 3 year break and whilst it is going better than I ever could have imagined and been so beneficial in all aspects of my life, it has taken a lot out of me. Although very hard, I am so happy to have done it and I think it is really helping me grow as a person, again. It has meant though, I have been a little unstable and changeable. I think I just need a little break and hopefully I can come back better than ever! Hopefully just for a few weeks!

Be back soon!!

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