Monday, 20 July 2015

"I'd far rather be happy than right any day."

Do you tend to find yourself in very circular arguments with people? Ferociously fighting your corner in an argument, even though sometimes, you are not sure why any more? Me too. Something I have always found difficult is admitting when I am wrong or changing a belief about something. Even though it is such a simple concept, for me there is often more too it. Turning around to another person or even just yourself and saying 'maybe I was wrong about that'. I've always known that I am somewhat of a stubborn person but it's only really been in past year, I've really realised how damaging it can be.

 I don't consider myself a close minded person but holding onto my stubbornness and a need to prove that I am right would close me off to a lot of things. Making me someone who would say 'no' far more than 'yes'. I would sometimes realise after a discussion with someone, in which I fought an opposing position and refused to accept their points, that actually I agreed with them. Maybe not always fully but I could have taken many more of their opinions on board. That it was more my stubbornness talking than me. This would shut me off to so many ideas and just made me cling to that 'i'm right, i'm right' instinct my brain has. It would also take away opportunities to learn and try new things as I would convince myself and others that I hated it. Sometimes I would never even have tried it. 

It took me a long time to really pick up on this and admit it to myself. It took me a long time to realise that actually is was kind of damaging behaviour. After really noticing it though, every time I would pick up on it I would honestly feel pretty stupid. Change can often be hard but I find this particularly challenging. To look someone in the eye and admit that you might be wrong is not just hard but feels so unnatural for me. I feel like I am going against every instinct I have. I can feel so much resistance. It often takes me a long time to change even a small opinion and really accept it but I think it is important to voice it outloud sometimes. It can really help you accept something easier and even give you a chance to discuss it and learn more. It can also help communication with others and foster better relationships. I know that the combative, stubborn, indignant side of me is not a favourite amongst people in my life. Whilst I will still stick to my guns regarding things I feel passionate about, opening up more or even just letting go off things that are less important has actually been a bit of a relief. Addressing this need to prove I am right and trying to let go of it has really made me more relaxed and at ease. Whilst it isn't easy and does take a fair amount of mindfulness it has definitely been worth it.

For a long time (and still now sometimes) I kind of had to fake it. I tried biting my tongue a little more, allowing me to listen better to others and even sometimes changing my mind, even if I didn't fully feel it. Obviously only when appropriate, like in an argument with my partner regarding something small and insignificant. It really wasn't about sacrificing opinions or beliefs, just being a little less tightly wound and being better able to hear someone elses point. Stepping back from your own opinion can allow some clarity and release of some potential bias. Saying 'I might be wrong about that' occasionally, allowed me to stop fighting for something that was often very petty or insignificant anyway. I would often feel really awkward and embarrassed and unnatural whilst doing it. Really having to grit my teeth and force the words out feeling very forced.

But you know what? After a minute or two, when the initial shock has worn off, it feels so good. Slowly, relief washes over me and takes away the embarrassment (which nobody should have to feel). I feel so much lighter and a little proud of myself. I have been able to open up to so many new ideas and say 'YES!' a little more in my day to day conversations. There are so many more occasions where I learn new things because I have been able to accept advice and information and been able to better listen to other peoples points. Learning to listen to them rather than just hearing them so I can defend my own argument against them! I finally realised I'd far rather be happy than right any day.

Do you find it hard to let go and listen a bit more?

Let me know!



  1. I am so stubborn and I can totally relate to this post! I have been trying to change this about me too recently.

    Cloudie xxx

  2. I loved this post so much! Sometimes we hold ourselves back and we should feel free to be who we are and say exactly what's on our mind. That quote is so inspirational! xxxxx

    1. Exactly! Nice to know others feel the same! :)

  3. Original Vitamin E21 July 2015 at 09:28

    Try "active listening", I can't remember the exact details but instead of just listening to what the other person is saying, refer their ideas back to them: "so what you're saying is..." by doing this I've found out that often I've not understood what the other person meant. And as a bonus they get to know that you're interested in what they've said - which can't be a bad thing!

    1. Sounds interesting! I recognise the name but have never learned much about it! Thanks for reading! :)


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