Saturday, 8 August 2015

100th Post || How Blogging Has Changed Me!

100th Blog Post Collage
Just some of my posts! Go check them out!
To some this may not seem like such a huge milestone but for me it is amazing! I have gone from being too scared to even sign up for a blogger account to have published 100, unique posts of my own! For me this is a big achievement as I am someone who struggles with very severe anxiety and it has a very big impact on my life. The self confidence blogging has given me has been completely unexpected and I can very confidently say even if I never published another post, I am a better person because of it.

Whilst I have suffered all of my memorable life with anxiety, the past 4 or so years are when it all came to a head. In 2012 I had to leave university and move home due to my mental and physical health problems. It was a really hard time for me and any slither of self belief I had seemed to disappear. I am very good at presenting a calm front and I try very hard to keep everything together, which is often my downfall. After being hospitalised because I am had basically neglected and caused a lot of damage to my body, I was in a very low place. My already withering self confidence had sunk even further and I felt very empty. My plan was to return to University the following September and carry on studying but sadly I was not well enough. Matters only became worse when I was not well enough to return the following year or the year after. I had never been a happy person, my problems were not something that sprung up on me by any means but eventually reaching breaking point was rough to say the least.

It took me a long time to find a way to try and build my confidence back up. Being so anxious made it difficult for me to leave the house and interacting with others was near impossible. I had been so anxious for such a long time that I didn't really have any sense of self. All my energy and thoughts had been taken up by it for so long that I couldn't even answer a simple question of 'What do you enjoy doing?'. Having a lot of free time alone though, allowed me the freedom to figure out things I did enjoy. So, as many with crippling social anxieties do, I turned to the internet! I had always spent a lot of time online and when I started stumbling across blogs I found myself reading more and more. I dont think I had read a blog in about 5 years and when I had they had always been more 'dear diary' like and I found them to be a little crap. I wasn't a massive fan of Tumblr or any kind of social media in general really so when I started seeing amazing blogs with really creative, varied content, I spent months building up the courage to write a post.

As I think most people do, I find the early days of my blog mortifying. I had never owned a camera, never taken a selfie (not an exaggeration) and all I had was a very old camera phone. I had absolutely no technical knowledge and didn't even have a Twitter or Instagram account. Blogging has really pushed me to be more creative, which has made me much more confident in my abilities and has exceeded my expectations. The process of creating something from scratch just because I enjoyed it has been soothing, inspiring and liberating. I can't stress enough how much it has done for me. As my confidence grew so did I and I realised I could make what I wanted out of it. When I begun I very much limited myself on what I wrote about but now I write about so many different things and I am developing my skills all the time. Slowly, boundries I had assigned to myself have started to lift and I found it applying more and more to my life as well. Whilst I still struggle a lot with MH issues, I can at least say that I have found a little piece of myself again and I never would have thought this would be how!


Have you found anything unexpected thats helped/inspired you?

Let me know!

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8 comments

  1. YAY! Congrats on 100 posts, that's awesome that you stuck with it and look how far you've come! Hope you have a wonderful weekend gorgeous! XO -Kim
    www.thethirtysomethinglife.com

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  2. 100 posts is great! Congrats love :) It's great to see how far you've come and the impact blogging has had an your life!

    Megan x / megaanalicec.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. Congrats! Reflection is a great way to look at how far you've come and I loved hearing your story. Happy blogging!

    Jo xxxxx

    The Clearly Inane

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for reading! Glad you liked it! :)

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  4. Such a uplifting post.. Congrats!
    Xxx

    sophiejc.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thanks! Thought it might end up the opposite so thats extra nice to hear! :)

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