Saturday, 8 November 2014

Why I Started Blogging!


Me as a child. The smarties tube is my microphone obviously.

I started blogging because I needed help. I had spent my life plagued with low-self esteem and body confidence issues. I knew that I needed to make some major changes in my life and the way that I viewed myself and for me that all started with my hair. I had always hated it. It was the first thing that made me feel different from other people, it was the first thing I was picked on about, it was the first thing that made me feel ashamed. 

As I grew older non of this changed but my anxiousness regarding my physical appearance grew into other areas and was just continuously in my thoughts. My hair got bigger and frizzier. It made me feel physically larger, like I was taking up too much space. This held me back from a lot of things, made me not take risks I should have taken, made me nervous around people and really made me put up a wall. I may have seemed sociable and chatty but really I felt completely overwhelmed.

I began straightening my hair on a full time basis when I was about 12. I saw it as a tool to fix a problem that I had. Sure, it took time and effort but it felt like it would normalise me. I quickly realised, straightening your hair is not even half the battle. Keeping it straight is the uphill struggle. There is rain to contend with, wind, humidity, you even have to worry about sweat. Often your hair just likes to revert to its original state because its hair, it doesn't care about being accepted, its dead. I would spend so much time and energy trying to avoid going outside or finding ways to keep it straight it felt like a full time job. I wouldn't be paying attention in school, I would sitting on the edge of my seat for the lesson to end so I could go check my hair like it was some sorded little secret I had to hide from people. It got so bad that when my hair frizzed or curled my head would physically itch out of anxiousness. It was like no matter how hard I tried I could never really change, only mask my 'problems'. It never really occured to me that they were only 'problems' because I viewed them as such. 

Many people will probably dismiss this as a grand overreaction to hair. But to me it had always been symbolic of feeling inadequate, needing to change for others and being unable to accept myself. When I look back I just see wasted time and energy. I see so many missed opportunities because I let the opinions of other people shape who I thought I should be and how I should present. I am by no means now unaffected by body confidence issues and sometimes I may still alter my hair type or succumb to the pressures of beauty standards but it doesn't dominate my thoughts anymore. 

When I finally stopped straightening my hair I didn't really know what to do with myself. I had no clue how to handle it. I had not even seen it since I was 12 and I was kind of in shock. So I did what any child of the technical age did. I googled it. There is some great information out there on curly hair, from some great people but its not always that easy to find. Often it is spread out amongst various forums and different sources. I learned a lot over only a few months but it was very time consuming. A lot of the sources I could find were also from the US so trying to find the same products was often not possible or easy.

 I wanted to use blogging as a way to share things I had learned but it also became a way to explore my issues surrounding my hair.

Sometimes I question why I spend so much time and energy working on it and feel others may judge me. 'It's only hair, why do you care so much?' To me it means more. Over time it has made me start too appreciate that no one is the same but we should embrace our differences. I want to learn to love it, have fun with it and embrace it. My issues surrounding my apperance and self esteem issues are wider than just my hair, but I had to start somewhere, I just figured why not start from the top.


Can anyone else relate?

Let me know in the comments!



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10 comments

  1. So glad I came across your blog.. I also had (and still have) problems with self esteem, not the same as yours but I can totally relate. What I have learnt and always try to keep in mind is that something that can seem so big to you won't even be noticed by others! Thanks for sharing this post, it's helped me remember I'm not the only one that feels like this! xx

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    1. Thanks for replying! It is also helpful for me to know this!! Thanks so much! :D

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  2. This post really tugged at my heart strings! I began blogging for simular reasons. I was suffering with ill health and bad anxirty. My blog was/is an outlet. I think our generation as female's, suffer huge issues with ourselves. We all have our days, but try to just be you. Embrace your big locks, just as I embrace my big ass ;) haha . . . if we were all the same the world would be a boring place :) so you do you! :)

    LeviJade xx

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  3. Aww thanks! I totally agree that blogging is a great outlet, much better than I ever thought it would be! Its also nice to know others feel the same way! It means a lot <3 :D

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  4. I have nominated you to the liebster award xx
    http://amazingisyourname.blogspot.co.uk/

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  5. I think it's great you've turned your hair into a positive and started blogging - sharing what you've learnt with others. I really wish my daughter would start a blog - I think it's such a great outlet. As soon as you start to love yourself (warts and all!) life becomes so much easier…x

    Carrie | What I Love Today x

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    1. Thanks :) Honestly starting a blog was a very hard thing for me to do. I had to pool all of my confidence just to set up an account! I hid it from my partner for months until he caught me blogging and he is still the only one who knows! I also agree that its a great outlet! I wish I had done it sooner!

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  6. Just popping over from #blchat :) I'm also a curly-haired girl and I definitely have mixed feelings - sometimes I love it but most of the time I wear it straight! I loved reading about your journey and I feel really quite inspired xx

    Magpie Jasmine || GIVEAWAY!: Urban Decay/Nars/Charlotte Tilbury/Too Faced

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    1. Pretty sure we both just read and commented on each others posts at the same time! Thanks so much :)

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